Sympathy flowers: being there after the funeral

Irish families are rarely alone in the first days after a death. The house fills up, the kettle never stops and the neighbours rally round. It is later, when everyone has gone home, that a bunch of flowers at the door tells them they have not been forgotten.

White carnations — Carnations – long-lasting

Soft, simple bouquets for a family at home.

See sympathy flowers

Funeral flowers and sympathy flowers are not the same

Funeral tributes, such as wreaths and sprays, go to the church or funeral home and are arranged through the funeral director. Sympathy flowers go to the family’s home and are a personal message to the people left behind. If the death notice asks for family flowers only, a bouquet for the house a little later is a respectful way to show you care. Our sending guide covers the practical side, and there is a separate guide to funeral flowers for the service itself.

When to send them

The first week after the funeral. The callers drop away and the house goes quiet. This is the moment most families remember.
The Month’s Mind. The Mass about four weeks after the death brings the family together again, and flowers for the house or the church that week are thoughtful.
Firsts. The first birthday, the first Christmas and the first anniversary without the person are hard days. A bunch of flowers says you remembered.
November. All Souls’ Day on 2 November, and the month around it, is a traditional time to remember the dead in Ireland.

Choosing the flowers

White, cream and soft green are the safe choice, but sympathy flowers do not have to look like funeral flowers.:

Roses and spray roses

White or pale pink roses are calm and familiar, and a bouquet of them suits any relationship to the family.

Lilies, with care

White lilies are the traditional flower of mourning, but their scent is heavy and their pollen stains. Choose them only if you know the family likes them, and never for a home with cats.

Carnations and chrysanthemums

Carnations and chrysanthemums last for weeks, which matters when a family is not thinking about changing vase water.

Spring flowers

White tulips, narcissi and blossom in spring feel gentle and hopeful, and are a lovely choice for the Month’s Mind.

Send sympathy flowers to a family anywhere in Ireland.

Choose a bouquet

Finding the words

You do not need anything elaborate. The family will read the cards more than once, and what they treasure is a sign that the person mattered to you. Some ideas:

“So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you all.”
“With deepest sympathy, and fond memories of a great neighbour.”
“Ar dheis Dé go raibh a hanam. With love from all of us.”

If you have a memory of the person, a line about it is the most comforting thing you can write.

See our guide to flower language for what different flowers mean, and the care tips if you are bringing flowers yourself.

Questions about sympathy flowers

Is it too late to send sympathy flowers after the funeral?

Not at all. In Ireland the days around a funeral are crowded with callers. Flowers that arrive a week or two later, or around the Month’s Mind, often mean more because the family has more time to notice them.

Can I send flowers to the house during the wake?

Check the death notice first. If it says house private, wait. If the person is reposing at home, a small arrangement is usually welcome, but a Mass card or a call in person is the more traditional gesture at that stage.

What do I write on a sympathy card in Ireland?

Something short in your own words. Sorry for your loss, Thinking of you all, or a memory of the person all work well. Sign it so the family knows exactly who it came from.